Shattering the fabric of the universe

This is Thomas, reporting to you from behind enemy lines.

Brace yourself, fair reader; for I am about to utterly destroy the frail reality that you cling to. After this, your life will be split into two; before the emergence of this information, and after.

Brace yourself.

The online polls that give you information about yourself are completely, utterly, false.

Do you feel oblivion enveloping your being? You are still skeptical, you are asking for evidence to back this accusation up. Well, be careful what you ask for, for the knowledge might lead to your undoing.

First, Exhibit A:

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	delicious
Your hugs are...	friendly
Your eyes...	twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...	the only thing I desire
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	eternal

According to this, I am a person of delicious friendliness, exotic encouragement, and eternal twinkling in the moonlight for the person that desires me. Sadly, much to my disappointment, I do not twinkle.

Exhibit B:

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Your Hands
Special Talents Are	Everything (Multi-talented)

This is a simple one, If I was multi-talented, I would not be here typing on a blog. I would be playing linebacker for the Oakland Raiders.

Exhibit C:

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	teeth
best personality trait:	you can solve any social problem
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	yes!
when will you get married?	July 26, 2017
your kiss is:	mixed messages
People date you because:	you"re kind

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	teeth
best personality trait:	caring
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	no
when will you get married?	August 16, 2011
your kiss is:	polite
People date you because:	you"re kind

According to this duo of polls, I have two personalities. One, Thomas Wells, is a smiley, likeable fellow who will marry his girlfriend, and on account of his social problem solving skills, eventually become president. Thomas, However, is a bastard-ass. He's going to dump his girlfriend, and go around kissing people politely. I most definately do not have multiple personalities, and the souls of the innocent shall be mine...I...I...don't have multiple personalities!

Exhibit D, the final, irreputable evidence:

Are you hott? by evildj23
First Name
Age
Guy or Gal
Your hottness is	2...yuck!

This poll directly contradicts the surveys above it! According to this one, I am not twinkly, but a twinkly festering sore on the asshole of mankind.

The evidence is before you. To ingnore the truth would just be, plain and simply, foolish.